An Open Letter to the Ol' Ball Coach

Dear Coach Spurrier (or Coach Coors, whichever you prefer),

I wanted to gradulate you (I’m sure you still speak ‘gator,’ right?) on another fine season and a 10-2 record.  It really is amazing what you’ve done with the program where great coaches go to die.  And you own Dabo like you did Ray Goff.  But, I mean, his name is Dabo.  Mostly, I wanted to commend you on a feat that I am not sure has been accomplished in the long history of the SEC since we went to divisions (Admittedly, I haven’t really looked it up):  You have amazingly gone three straight seasons with defeating the SEC East Champs while sitting at home the first weekend in December.  I’m sure this is something you and the Gamecock faithful can be proud of.  In fact, it sounds like a possible ring or stadium banner idea.  Of course, I concur with you in recent years that we should really think about schedules and maybe another way to determine the division champions in our esteemed conference.

• Whoever gets the easiest draw vs the West really has the advantage and seems to win the division.  Wait, you played the two teams from the West (6-6 Miss St. and 3-9 Arkansas) with the two worst records?  And Mizzou had to play Jonathan Tackle Football and Ole Miss?  And UGA had to play LSU and Auburn?  Oh, sorry, I was thinking you had a point there.
• As you’ve mentioned before, really we should only count division games.  Wait, you mean y’all tied UGA at 4-2 in the division while Mizzou went 5-1?  Rats, I thought you had a point there, Coach.
• You were right that it’s hard to raise a program up in the SEC and get to that SEC championship game.  I mean, it was amazing how quickly South Carolina did it from 1992 to 2010, only 18 years after joining the league.  And it only took you 5 years since you got there in 2005.  Wait, it took Mizzou 2 years?  I must be confused.
• Maybe the division title should go to the team that tries the hardest?

In any event, you’ve raised the level of consistency in Columbia to new heights, and for that you should be extolled.  What is truly remarkable is how you guys have consistently lost an inexplicable game in the last three years that eventually cost you the division title.

• 2011 – That home loss to a 7-5 Auburn team, who squeaked by Utah State on a miracle finish.  By the way, isn’t Auburn the one team that owned you while you were in Gainesville? 
• 2012 – A 33-point beat down to your alma mater, Florida, in a game in which Florida had 183 yards offense.  No, I’m serious.  That’s how many yards they had.  And won.  By nearly 5 touchdowns.  Did I mention it was your alma mater?
• 2013 – A loss at Tennessee, whose only other SEC victory came against 0-8 Kentucky.  Didn’t you used to whip Tennessee every year?  Coach, I don’t want you to get down about this.  I don’t want you to think about how that loss to that bad Tennessee team has cost your team a chance at being 11-1, playing for the SEC title, and a shot at a BCS National Championship Game birth.  Coach Fulmer called me and told me to tell you to just forget it, and he sends his condolences.

We’ve had a disappointing, sometimes exhilarating and crazy season in Athens this year, Coach.  But finally, I wanted to laud you for joining a distinguished group.  In 2013, the Cardiac Dawgs only beat four teams by double digits:  North Texas, Appalachian State, Kentucky, and the Mighty South Carolina Fighting Gamecocks.  Now that deserves a banner in Williams-Brice.

Coach, whatever you do, I don’t want you to get down about this.  I’m sure that some time in the near future again you’ll encounter a season in which Florida and Tennessee are dumpster fires and not bowl eligible, and you play the worst two teams in the West while UGA plays the #1 and #3 teams in the West while starting 78 freshmen on defense and ends up having 24 players tear their ACLs.  And in that same season, I’m sure again you’ll have the best QB in your school’s history and the best defensive player in the country and your school’s history.  I’m sure another opportunity like that is just around the corner. 

Sincerely,

The Bulldog Nation

P.S.  Coach Fulmer wanted me to tell you something like “You can’t spell Citrus without USC”…whatever that means.