Thursday, December 5, 2013

An Open Letter to the Ol' Ball Coach




Dear Coach Spurrier (or Coach Coors, whichever you prefer),

I wanted to gradulate you (I’m sure you still speak ‘gator,’ right?) on another fine season and a 10-2 record.  It really is amazing what you’ve done with the program where great coaches go to die.  And you own Dabo like you did Ray Goff.  But, I mean, his name is Dabo.  Mostly, I wanted to commend you on a feat that I am not sure has been accomplished in the long history of the SEC since we went to divisions (Admittedly, I haven’t really looked it up):  You have amazingly gone three straight seasons with defeating the SEC East Champs while sitting at home the first weekend in December.  I’m sure this is something you and the Gamecock faithful can be proud of.  In fact, it sounds like a possible ring or stadium banner idea.  Of course, I concur with you in recent years that we should really think about schedules and maybe another way to determine the division champions in our esteemed conference.

  • Whoever gets the easiest draw vs the West really has the advantage and seems to win the division.  Wait, you played the two teams from the West (6-6 Miss St. and 3-9 Arkansas) with the two worst records?  And Mizzou had to play Jonathan Tackle Football and Ole Miss?  And UGA had to play LSU and Auburn?  Oh, sorry, I was thinking you had a point there.
  • As you’ve mentioned before, really we should only count division games.  Wait, you mean y’all tied UGA at 4-2 in the division while Mizzou went 5-1?  Rats, I thought you had a point there, Coach.
  • You were right that it’s hard to raise a program up in the SEC and get to that SEC championship game.  I mean, it was amazing how quickly South Carolina did it from 1992 to 2010, only 18 years after joining the league.  And it only took you 5 years since you got there in 2005.  Wait, it took Mizzou 2 years?  I must be confused.
  • Maybe the division title should go to the team that tries the hardest?

In any event, you’ve raised the level of consistency in Columbia to new heights, and for that you should be extolled.  What is truly remarkable is how you guys have consistently lost an inexplicable game in the last three years that eventually cost you the division title.

  • 2011 – That home loss to a 7-5 Auburn team, who squeaked by Utah State on a miracle finish.  By the way, isn’t Auburn the one team that owned you while you were in Gainesville? 
  • 2012 – A 33-point beat down to your alma mater, Florida, in a game in which Florida had 183 yards offense.  No, I’m serious.  That’s how many yards they had.  And won.  By nearly 5 touchdowns.  Did I mention it was your alma mater?
  • 2013 – A loss at Tennessee, whose only other SEC victory came against 0-8 Kentucky.  Didn’t you used to whip Tennessee every year?  Coach, I don’t want you to get down about this.  I don’t want you to think about how that loss to that bad Tennessee team has cost your team a chance at being 11-1, playing for the SEC title, and a shot at a BCS National Championship Game birth.  Coach Fulmer called me and told me to tell you to just forget it, and he sends his condolences.

We’ve had a disappointing, sometimes exhilarating and crazy season in Athens this year, Coach.  But finally, I wanted to laud you for joining a distinguished group.  In 2013, the Cardiac Dawgs only beat four teams by double digits:  North Texas, Appalachian State, Kentucky, and the Mighty South Carolina Fighting Gamecocks.  Now that deserves a banner in Williams-Brice.

Coach, whatever you do, I don’t want you to get down about this.  I’m sure that some time in the near future again you’ll encounter a season in which Florida and Tennessee are dumpster fires and not bowl eligible, and you play the worst two teams in the West while UGA plays the #1 and #3 teams in the West while starting 78 freshmen on defense and ends up having 24 players tear their ACLs.  And in that same season, I’m sure again you’ll have the best QB in your school’s history and the best defensive player in the country and your school’s history.  I’m sure another opportunity like that is just around the corner. 

Sincerely,

The Bulldog Nation

P.S.  Coach Fulmer wanted me to tell you something like “You can’t spell Citrus without USC”…whatever that means.
 

13 comments:

  1. Sad Sad little doggy fan.

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  2. Congrats on 8-4. At least we didn't lose to a crappy Clemson ACC team this year. Maybe you can get a rematch with them in Atlanta and prevent them from repeating as ChicFil-A National Champions.

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  3. This is one of the best things I've read all football season. South Carolina Gamecocks: The ego of Bama with the trophy case of Vandy.

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  4. Congrats on 8-4. At least we didn't lose to a crappy Clemson ACC team this year. Maybe you can get a rematch with them in Atlanta and prevent them from repeating as ChicFil-A National Champions.
    Really?
    Yeah, you just lost to the team that lost to the crappy Clemson team. smh

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  5. BWAHAHAHA. Loser talk. Does that really matter after Clemson and Dumbo just got spanked by the Gamecocks by 2 TDs. Sounds like some stupid crap we used to say 10 years ago. We are the new Carolina. I guess we now know where the old one went. Let me guess. Maybe "next year". HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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    1. The new Carolina that still doesn't make it to Atlanta? Sounds a lot like the same.

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  6. Lol....what a joke coming from a Georgia fan.

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  7. yeah ypu really spanked Clemson. they turned it over 6 times and literally gave you 21 points.

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  8. Loser talk. They didn't give us anything. We took it. I would say Clemson pulled a Clemson, but we were supposed to beat them, so it doesn't really apply.

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  9. Ha, without those turnovers Clemson would have spanked you. Do ya'll get some kind of gold star 5th place rings again this year? Talk smack when you can beat us.

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    1. we've beaten you 3/4 years... and we play you at home last year, remember how your last trip to Williams Brice went? 35-0... sorry i forgot your garbage time touchdown 35-7.

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  10. Clemson sucks, as they have consistently for about the last 10 years. They're not quite as bad as they were in the 1990's, because they have managed to find a way to beat the teams they should beat, while still losing to teams that have a better than average game on both sides of the ball. Throw in the occasional upset on top of their wins over unranked ACC teams and hapless out of conference cupcakes, and there you have it. That's all they have. Clemson fans know they will not make it to the next level without being able to compete with teams like FSU and SC. With SC's recent domination and with FSU looking like they're going to have an exceptional squad for several years to come, Clemson can count on at LEAST two losses per year. But don't worry, Clemson fans, Dabo will have you puffing your chests out after wins over Wake, NC State, Virginia, Syracuse...and all the rest of the weak teams on the schedule. Add the one upset per year and you guys are golden. Congrats!

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